I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
