Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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