I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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