u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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