There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
