ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
