So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
