dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
