So drunk its hurt
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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