I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are the jesus of drinking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
