Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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