I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize