yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
