then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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