what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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