He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
