he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
