My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
