Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
