Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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