i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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