i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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