Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
