I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
