just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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