i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
