my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
