just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
