If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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