It's Friday. Sex?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
