im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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