he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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