nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
