I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
