this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
