They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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