well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
