I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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