just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
