At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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