I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize