Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
