He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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