you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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