You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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