yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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