yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
