dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize