I can text with my tongue
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
