I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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