Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
