Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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