Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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