dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
