If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
