She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize