I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize