I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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