Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
