Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
