apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hippo gnu deer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
