This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
