peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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