alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I party with great urgency now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
